My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm at about main and main street
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
