It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
