Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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