just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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