the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we're so committed to being not committed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
