Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
