how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
