how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
