Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
