they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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