im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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