can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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