wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
