1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize