Sry I called you an 8
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
