I have demons in me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have feelings that need drinking.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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