so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
