I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
