I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
