He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
as a side note pls kill me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
