been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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