So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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