im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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