a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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