lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You can't special order awesome
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
