She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
