i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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