I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
