Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
