the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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