I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize