She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
