she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
