it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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