So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize