please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They took my balls.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
