in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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