You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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