Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
