You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
