I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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