It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
