I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize