sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
