Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
