It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
