I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he thought i was a dude.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
