i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
