We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
