I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
