if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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