i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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