1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
please come you make the beer taste better
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
