i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
