3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
