is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
