Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
