Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
