I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
