I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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