Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I believe in your delicious
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
