At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
