i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
