We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
