I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
