I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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