How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
