Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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