we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
