Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
