summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
