Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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