I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
