Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
