yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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