you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is classic penis vs brain.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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