Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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