Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
