I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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